Thomas J. Marshall blows up all the aliens on his way to winning the #AlternativeElection

October 31, 2016

Photo by Kristoffer Tripplaar | Sipa USA

Categories: 

Supported by Heritage Distilling Company:

- - - - - -

Say hello to your new president. The one, the only.....Bill Pullman.

Ok, so not the real Bill Pullman, but after voting the entire month of October, The End listeners have voted Independence Day's President Thomas J. Whitmore the official President of the Alternative Election!

How did we get here?

Whitmore had the easy task in the primaries taking down one-season TV President Mackenzie Allen from Commander In Chief before taking the tough task in the quarterfinals against Pédro Sanchez, who was thought to have the millennial vote locked down. Whitmore squeezed through to the semifinals to his toughest test, The West Wing's President Jed Bartlet played by Martin Sheen. 

Guys, the guy who took down the aliens in Independence Day who has a case to be the worst fictional president ever, beat the guy who is regarded as "most popular Democratic president in recent memory." 

Whitmore again squeaked through to the final where it was Thomas J. Whitmore v. James Marshall of Air Force One. When put to the test, the American public chose that defeating aliens and saving Earth on July 4th is more important than kicking commie ass. Both are pretty dang 'Murican, but only one was so 'Murican that it made other countries want to be 'Murican, too. You're welcome, other countries. 

Congratulations for winning the first #AlternativeElection of all time, Mr. President!

There is only one Thomas J. Whitmore. Bow down. That's totally how presidents work, right?

BTW, totally called it.

Follow The End
Follow Branden

The End’s Alternative Election is in no way a substitute for voting in the real elections. Duh! So be sure to take full advantage of your right to vote in this year’s elections and have your voice heard. Register today! The End’s Alternative Election is supported by Heritage Distilling Company.​