Why Dick's is better than In-N-Out

March 15, 2017

Me: Why is Dick’s better than In-N-Out?

You: “It isn’t, you bastard! How could you even say that those cheap burgers and fries are better than my Double Double with fries, Animal Style?!”

I don’t think you’re wrong for liking In-N-Out, I just think it is massively over-hyped.

While plenty of people say there’s no real comparison because they think In-N-Out just blows Dick’s (lol) out of the water with its quality, I say otherwise.

Besides the compelling data in my scientific Twitter poll that has absolutely no PNW bias (believe me), why do I think Dick’s has the edge on the infamous SoCal burger chain?

First of all, if you have to slather your potatoes in cheese and onion to make them edible, they aren’t good enough. Anyone who’s eaten at Dick’s knows the fries are the best thing on the menu and you don’t have to do anything extra to make them that way. Even if you spend too much time savoring your burger and the fries get cold, they are still good. Dick’s is king of the spuds in this fast food battle.

“But In-N-Out fries are hand cut!”

Yeah, so are Dick’s fries and they are sourced right here in the PNW, and if you are about to argue that California potatoes are superior to those grown in the state that leads the world in French fry potato production, you can get out.

“Well if we’re arguing about quality, the In-N-Out Double Double is way better than anything at Dick’s.”

#sEATtle: Dick's Drive-in, reviewed by Manley

Sure, but when I’m eating a cheeseburger at a fast food restaurant at 2:00 a.m., how worried am I about the quality? If I was looking for a great burger, I’d go to Red Mill or Lil’ Woody’s, but all I want to do is to stuff my face for less than $5. The first time I went to In-N-Out for a burger I was expecting something sensational by the way everyone talked about it, but at the end of the day, it’s just a customizable (and slightly more expensive) crap burger. Also, good luck getting your Double Double before the bars close when In-N-Out closes at one in the morning compared to Dick’s which stays open a full hour later, thus giving you more time to make a fool of yourself on the dance floor.

You can customize your In-N-Out order and delve into the “secret” menu (it’s not a secret, stop calling it that), but the simplicity in walking up to the window at Dick’s and asking for a cheeseburger, then getting it fresh off the line is kind of Dick’s thing as much as being able to add whatever the hell you want to an In-N-Out burger is their thing. The simplicity and keeping the main thing the main thing (aka getting a burger into my face hole) is more important than taking 10 more minutes to add who-knows-what to my burger.

In the time I can order and finally get my Double Double, I could have already eaten like 12 Dick's Deluxes.

Vote for where the next Dick's will go

I understand that my love for Dick’s is pure, unadulterated homerism, just as my love for the Mariners, Sounders, Seahawks, and hate for everything OKC is because I’m from here. I don’t fault anyone for liking In-N-Out more (especially those from SoCal), but Dick Spady’s restaurant is still a beacon that calls home to people from Seattle that move away, just as Rainier Beer and people saying Pike Place market correctly are (for the last time, it isn’t Pike’s Place).

At the end of the day, we love both because they keep the business in the family, and they keep doing what they’re good at while treating their employees well and filling our drunk bellies up when we need them most. That said, only one of those restaurants was voted the Most Life-Changing Burger Joint in America.

Finally, if you’re reading this and you think I’m an idiot, you’re probably right, but if you haven’t given the Seattle staple a try, go eat a big bag of Dick’s.

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