Give That Ref a Red Card

Hashtag Salazar

March 25, 2016

Dude, referee Mark Geiger did a terrible job with last weekend’s SEAvVAN match up. For my friends in the stands who felt insulted with that poor bit of refereeing, just be glad you didn’t have to watch a hundred replays that burned into your retinas like a thousand little daggers from the white-hot sun of Tatooine (the one on the left).

I think we can all agree, the first PK call was worse than a tentacle-covered underwater garbage monster taking you below the surface until you can’t help but choke on some trash water. Except for Geiger, that dude still thinks he got it right...

“But the play of the game is too fast for him to see.”

Then don’t blow your ******* whistle so fast. Take a minute to think. IN FACT, I’m introducing a new MLS rule.

THE FIVE SECOND RULE*: Attention PRO (Professional Referee Organization) - Whenever one of your moving goal posts with a whistle wants to wave a card around like the world’s least exciting sleight of hand magician, point to the spot for a penalty kick, or anything involving their snap judgement, let’s pump the brakes.

He or she must take a moment - five of them - to think. They have to take enough time to consult one of those giraffe-tickling flag-waving assistants. They must take a minute to make sure that they shouldn’t first call the academy to report an Oscar winning acting performance by a floundering forward dead on the pitch having just been killed on stage to appease Dionysus, lord of wine and theatre! I don’t need you second-guessing yourself - I just need you to stop, think about the thing you just saw, make a call, and then move on.

For the second penalty kick call, Ross lays out why the referee actually got the call spot on. I’m still on the fence, but Ross got me seeing his way this week.

It sucks that Sounders FC, for the first time in club history, don’t have any points after the first three games. It sucks that two of those losses came at home in front of paying fans. It still sucks that Oba left.

Let’s just hope that the weight of the Sounders’ world can indeed be put on the shoulders of longtime American soccer star, Herculez Gomez. The paperwork is done and joining the front three of Valdez, Morris, and Texas-tattooed Dempsey, Gomez doesn't help the club get younger, but should help things get a little steadier.

*this isn’t m&m on the ground five second rule where the faster you move the less germs get ingested.