Here's how long it takes to poop a Lego head...

Not the science we asked for, maybe the science we deserve..

November 28, 2018

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Sometimes I hate the internet (see all news since 2016). Other times, a study pops up that asks the important questions like how long does it take to poop a swallowed Lego minifig head? Wait, what?

Yeah, the most common things swallowed by children are coins followed by small toys. While often times the coins come through with no problem, toys can be a bit trickier. A group of pediatric researchers got together to see what would happen should someone swallow a tiny bit of yellow plastic. They want to "determine typical transit times" for lego pieces moving through your movements.

So the team of six all got a Lego head each - I'd love to know who chose which head and why - and they swallowed them. The shitty part of the research begins. They had to collect and... sort? through their own poops to find when the head completed it's transit. Gross.

As with any piece of research it is important to have a robust search strategy in place prior to commencement. A variety of techniques were tried – using a bag and squashing, tongue depressors and gloves, chopsticks – no turd was left unturned. And although we only used a very small sample size the fact that one of our heads went missing suggest that you really shouldn’t worry if you can’t find it.

What do you mean we shouldn't worry? Isn't that the whole purpose of this experiment?

Anyway, what did they learn? How long does it take to pass a Lego minifig head - assuming it doesn't get stuck inside you?

Using the Find and Retrieved Time (FART) Score, they were able to determine - minus the missing head - that the average human takes 1.71 days to shuttle a Lego head from mouth to splash down and a concerned parent can work from approx there. How dare you use FART as the acronym, science. Also, well done.

Anyway, when one gets past the keeper, here's what you have to look forward to!

As a kid who grew up with Sega Genesis, a bike, and a huge box of Legos given to me by my teenage neighbor's mom, I spent a lot of time bringing to life my own lego world populating the carpet aorund the foot of my twin bed. At one point we had some leftover firecrackers and used em to make our own Lego head miniature cannon and shoot yellow smiling cannon balls down the block. Do not make your own, it was likely very dangerous.