My Favorite Sounder Ever Brad Evans Retires

Yes, I know he played at Sporking KC this year...

December 18, 2018

courtesy of Seattle Sounders FC Communications. Photographer: Jane Gershovich

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Seattle Sounders have now played 10 seasons in MLS. They’ve made 10 postseason appearances. They’ve played two MLS Cup Finals. They brought home one MLS Cup Trophy. A decade of success is a wonderful thing for now spoiled fans like me.

On the flipmode side of things, Seattle is a team where the young fun stars we started with are now mostly in their third decade of life - the career death decade in sports. It’s inevitable that our first loves of MLS era Sounders FC are hanging up their boots - they call soccer cleats boots now - and finding life after brofessional sports. That's why I was bummed to see the news:

What a career for The Sheriff --➡️

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Irvine, C-Bus, Seattle, KC, USMNT - Tons of games and tons of memories. Can’t say enough ‘thank you’s’ to everyone who was there along the way. Excited for what the next journey has to hold! #soccer

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I got to know Brad a little bit and he had that perfect mix of micheaveous trouble maker and professional athlete doing press without being a jerk (usually). He yelled at refs and flicked teammates in the nuts. In my book that makes him the complete package.

Plus, when trying to get my ballerina wife into enjoying sports, it helps to have a guy who is dead sexy and uses it for a great cause.

We’ll miss Brad:

  • Talkin’ tacos on Twitter with Swedish people
  • Playing every dang position that doesn’t use their hands
  • Retweeting tweets about punching dudes in the weiner
  • Scoring goals
  • Stopping goals
  • The time on the So, You're In Seattle podcast that he parked his truck in the loading zone with the flashers on for 45 minutes. 
  • Encouraging us in the press box when we covered a few matches
  • Hanging out with Seattle Humane
  • And they time out of nowhere he tweeted me about being Lego friends

A couple dudes from that MLS Cup winning team had some great things to say about ol’ B-Rad including goalkeeper, Stefan Frei:

”Brad always had such a veteran presence in the locker room. His blunt, sarcastic sense of humor kept people on their toes, like a rookie who just signed his professional contract - good times. But people listened when he had something to say and everyone valued his opinion. I wish you all the best in your next adventure, B-Rad.”

Or long time de-friend-er Chad Marshall:

”It’s been an absolute honor to call Brad Evans a teammate and friend over the last 12 years. He is a consummate professional and captain in every sense of the word. Every locker room and lineup was better with Brad in it. Congratulations on a fantastic career and best of luck in your next chapter.”

I remember when he left Seattle for a final season at Sporking KC and the sentiment around Seattle was essentially "we'll fire everyone and give you the keys to the city" so hopefully Brad paid attention in civics class (as if his Arizona education included civics) because Seattle is a mess! 

Here's to eating a whole pizza, drinking beers, and not having to workout all winter, Brad. I wish you the best in finding that next perfect gig where you can be hillariously irreverant at the exact right time. I hear Manchester United is hiring...

OR there's always this:

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