We Figured Out How To Solve The Boring Soccer Problem

Still no idea who can play striker, though...

May 23, 2018

Sounders FC Communications // by Jane Gerovich

After their third bye-week (tri-bye?) in only nine matches, Sounders FC are finally heading back to competition this weekend and it's at home so at least the in-game beers will be $9.75... This season is proving to be quite the challenge for a team that now just skips the middle man and travels everywhere via ambulance. We asked the question: do you think Sounders FC will make the playoffs this season? 

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And again here for good measure:

Things we're worried about this week

  • WHO THE F*** EVEN PLAYS FOR SEATTLE ANYMORE?
  • Is FIFA corrupt enough to allow deliberate steroid use? (please?)
  • Is Kim's hair still bleeding?
  • How do I get a butt rub?
  • Is it worth it to get a plaque if it makes you look like the Tweetie Bird's Granny?

Ok, look, baseball purists are gonna punch us in the crotch, but FIFA is already super duper corrupt. Why not spend the next World Cup cycle just letting the players build their own massive steroid scandal? We get it that it's a "terrible idea" for people into "health" and who are worried about setting a bad example for "kids", but when Zlatan makes his fully healed comeback at forty-something, karate chops a dude in the head and then sets the net on fire scoring from 60+ yards, it's gonna be worth it...

That plaque...

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Listen to the latest Full 90 Extra Time episode below: The World Steroid Cup