Bringing The Sonics Back

November 16, 2016

There is a lot of excitement about what looks like the increasing probability of the Sonics coming back to Seattle sooner rather than later.  

Chris Hansen's group, now including Russell Wilson(!), have made great strides getting deals in place to build an arena, while the NBA puts together its new collective bargaining agreement, which should pave the way for expansion talks. COOL!  Of course, that scenario will probably take at least a few years, and since I can barely wait for the one minute and 30 seconds it takes to microwave a burrito, I decided to resurrect the Sonics NOW...


STEP 1: Design the Sonics. 

This might have been the most difficult part of the entire process. I had the worst time choosing between the most recent version of the jerseys, or the throwbacks from the early 90s.  Not the cartoon ones, though. Those were terrible and we should all pretend those never happened. In the end, I figured when the Sonics do get a team back, they'll look something like this. 

STEP 2: Acquire Head Coach, rock a pair of Jordans

Done and done. Not only am I trying to be the best GM in the NBA and deliver a title to Seattle, I'm also trying to look fresh.  Mission accomplished. After some tough negotiating, I am pleased to announce that NBA Hall of Famer Kevin McHale will lead the Sonics in year one, with the help of Tim Duncan as assistant coach!  We are off to a good start...

STEP 3: Draft a squad! 


After an expansion draft where I really only got Kyle Anderson and Tim Hardaway Jr., it was time to hit the NBA Draft Lottery! Did I freeze the envelope with the Sonics logo inside to try to cheat my way to the #1 pick? YOU BET I DID!  Did it work? Not so much. I ended up with the 5th pick, while my expansion brothers the Las Vegas Aces nabbed fourth.  Fortunately, they are idiots and I swapped picks with them and selected...

Kris Dunn from Providence is the closest thing to an NBA ready player you can get, and I wanted to put together this team to play like the Sonics of old, which means I needed a Gary Payton. Mission accomplished. Now it was time to find my Shawn Kemp...

After some brilliant maneuvering (cheating, sort of) I was able to trick the stupid Pelicans into giving me the #7 pick, where I selected Thon Maker.  No one knows much about this kid, or what he will become. But he's 7'1" and only 18 years old.  If this pans out, Dunn and Maker could be the foundation of my Sonics for a decade!  Plus he was rated the #1 prospect overall and Marquese Chriss was already taken, you guys. 

STEP 4: Free Agency

After a successful draft that got Seattle buzzing, it was time to fill out the roster by signing some free agents. if you thought the plan was to start slow and develop into a championship caliber team, you were wrong.  As GM of the Sonics, I vow to bring a title to Seattle faster than you can merge onto I-5 during rush hour (18 months).  So I went big, and set my sights on the last great Sonic.  The man who STILL comes back to this city for charity. The man that could potentially deliver an NBA title to Seattle in our very first year.....KEVIN DURANT!  He quickly told me to take a hike because he was going to play for a contender, so now we are fighting.  I even threw away my real KD jersey I was so mad. Anyway, KD might not be coming to Seattle, but.....

Dirk Nowitzki is!  Oh, you didn't think I would get my Payton and Kemp but forget about nabbing a Detlef?  Don't be ridiculous. Dirk is the perfect choice! He's German, can shoot it out of the gym, and can provide veteran leadership for a team loaded with young talent! I also got Amir Johnson to provide some muscle down low, and am proud to announce the return of Rainier Beach's very own, Jamal Crawford!

STEP 5: Win a title! 

Don't talk about it. BE ABOUT IT!  Dat's the motto for the 2016-17 Seattle Sonics.  After an exceptional job building this team, the chance at a playoff run isn't a dream, its a reality. Stay tuned to see how the Sonics do by following along on twitter.  I'll post scores, recaps and game streams @1077theend, and use #SimSonics.  As my good friend Hugo, the voice of Sounders FC 2 would say...LET'S GO!!!!

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