The END Zone: NFL Week 8 Preview

October 28, 2016
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We are eight(!) weeks into the NFL season already, which is crazy.  What's even crazier, is we still have no idea who half the teams in this league are. The Packers are maybe not good? Detroit is a sleeper team? THE RAIDERS????  Even the Seahawks have been Jekyll and Hyde this year. Weird.

Some will call this parity and say its a good thing.  Others, like me, will bitch and moan and complain that fancy color rush jerseys and crap QBs playing are ruining the game.  Hard to believe we've already been doing that for half a season already.  Truth be told, I miss complaining about the games way more than I do watching them during the offseason.

Ok, on to the games...

Jacksonville vs. Tennessee: Blake Bortles is TRASH.  That offense should be a jet black Porsche with teal details flying up and down the field, instead, it's a mustard colored Jalopy with no power steering and a "My kid could beat up your honor roll kid" bumper sticker.  Free Allen Robinson!

Pick: Tennessee

Washington vs. Cincinnati:  Believe in The Red Rocket!  Actually, believe in the guy he throws it to, AJ Green.  That dude is a human cheat code.  

Pick: Cincinnati

New England vs. Buffalo:  Rex Ryan treats this game like it's the Super Bowl.  The Patriots treat it as a revenge game and drop 205 points on them.  IT COULD HAPPEN!

Pick: New England

New York Jets vs. Cleveland: The Indians are playing the Cubs in the World Series this year and it has me conflicted.  On one hand, I can NEVER root for the Chicago Cubs.  They are quite possibly my most hated sports team, which is saying a lot because my "hate" list is long and distinguished. Lakers, Vikings, Chelsea, Cardinals, Pistons, just to name a few.  Mind you, I have no good reason to dislike any of these teams, other than they made me throw something at a TV once, or cost me money, or made me cry as a grown man AFTER JERRY RICE FUMBLED BUT THEY DIDNT CALL IT AND THEN TERRELL OWENS CAUGHT THE GAME WINNING PASS AND RUINED MY LIFE FOREVER *@&#*&^ YOU DIE OWENS AND BURN IN HELL!!!!!!  Sorry, that escalated quickly. Point is, I can't root for the Cubs, but I don't think we want to live in a world where Cleveland is the gold standard of sports cities. They already have the NBA title thanks to the LeBrons, it needs to stop there. Stay humble, Cleveland.

Pick: Cleveland

Kansas City vs. Indianapolis: Crazy NFL stat, Andrew Luck gets hit on 108% of his dropbacks. That's a real problem for The Colts, you guys! 

Pick: Kansas City

Oakland vs. Tampa Bay: I'm not ready to believe that Oakland can pull off the dreaded fly all the way across the country and pull off a road win. Oakland is undefeated on the road this year. I am an idiot.

Pick: Tampa Bay

Seattle vs. New Orleans: Halloween is upon is and Richard Sherman celebrated by showing up at his press conference dressed as Harry Potter. I remember one time I was supposed to do one of those couples costumes where I went as Popeye and my lady went as Olive Oil.  Unfortunately, I couldn't fit in the sailor outfit (because gainz BRO!) so we had to switch it up and I had to be Olive Oil instead.  It was hilarious, mostly because I didn't realize how protruding a man's bits and pieces look in a pencil skirt. I felt like a Ron Jeremy. 

Pick: Seattle

Detroit vs. Houston:  Detroit sure looks like they may be the feel-good hit of the season, while Houston is a dumpster fire. Also, JJ Watt has a new girlfriend, how much do you bet he makes her watch him work out?  

Pick: Detroit

Arizona vs. Carolina:  I miss the good old days when this was supposed to be an NFC playoff preview.  A real clash of the titans. Instead, we get Carson Palmer, a shell of a man against crabby Cam Newton.  Crabby Cam, let's start using that.

Pick: Carolina

Green Bay vs. Atlanta:  I used to watch NFL Prime religiously on Sunday nights, but this year it as morphed into something that is infuriatingly unwatchable.  Much like the Packers.  

Pick: Atlanta

Philadelphia vs. Dallas:  This should probably be the best game of the week, which almost guarantees that it won't be.  

Pick: Dallas

Minnesota vs. Chicago: IF the Cubs win the World Series before this game happens, they should bring Steve Bartman out at halftime so Chicago can welcome him back and collectively apologize for nearly hanging him from the Jordan statue in front of the United Center.  Those monsters. 

Pick: Minnesota

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The Matt Saracen All-Star Team

Every week we will reward a player who channeled their inner QB1 and had the best fantasy football week. 

Week 7's Fantasy All-Star is Jay Ajayi, who ran for two bucks and a TD last weekend!  Who the hell is Jay Ajayi? I don't know either, but some jerk in my fantasy league did so he is already owned, which is infuriating.   YES THIS IS A REPEAT OF LAST WEEK'S HOT TAKE AND I WILL KEEP POSTING THIS UNTIL HE STOPS RUNNING AROUND LIKE THE SECOND COMING OF BO JACKSON. If you read that in a Samuel L Jackson voice it's hilarious. 

Week 1: AJ Green
Week 2: Cam Newton
Week 3: Marvin Jones
Week 4: Julio Jones
Week 5: Martellus Bennett
Week 6: Jay Ajayi

Week 7: Jay Ajayi

Suicide Squad Pick of the Week

Knock-out/Suicide pools are becoming quite popular these days, so each week I'll share with you mypick for the week....that will inevitably lose on a last second FG EVERY TIME. 

Week 1: Seattle
Week 2: Carolina
Week 3: Dallas
Week 4:  Arizona - #RIP
Week 5: Indianapolis
Week 6: Pittsburgh - #RIP
Week 7: Cincinnati
Week 8: Thanks to the insufferable fans of all things Bahston, I loathe the Patriots,,,but there is NO WAY that they don't put the Bills through a table this week.