NFL Week 12 Preview: Happy Thanksgiving

November 21, 2018

Happy Thanksgiving, you guys!  What a special day of food, family, and football.  Do you know what I’m thankful for this year? Dorcas Reilly. That’s right, Dorcas Reilly. I'm thankful for her because she is the woman responsible for the creation of my favorite Thanksgiving side dish (stuffing excluded because obviously that’s everyone’s real #1,) green bean casserole! She passed away from Alzheimer’s disease but her memory will live on forever in the colons of satisfied eaters all over America on this wonderful day of binge eating. Make sure you pour out a little cream of mushroom soup in her honor, I know I will.  

Chicago vs Detroit- Mark my words, Detroit always balls on Thanksgiving and the Bears aren't exactly the Patriots.  Unmark my words when Khalil Mack breaks Stafford in half early in the 2nd quarter. 

Washington vs Dallas-  I feel bad for Alex Smith.  He has had a tough career living in the shadows of Aaron Rodgers and being the #1 pick and....wait....he just got $71 million guaranteed money this offseason?  SUCK IT UP YOU SISSY AND GET BACK OUT THERE!  

Atlanta vs New Orleans-  I have a sneaky suspicion that New Orleans is getting a little close to becoming overhyped and that Atlanta could very easily sneak in here and steal a quick win, but I will go with New Orleans anyway.  If you listen closely Thursday night when this actually happens, you will be able to hear me, off in the distance, yelling "I FRICKIN KNEW IT!"

San Francisco vs Tampa Bay- I bought a Glassy Baby candle a few weeks ago for my boo boo and now 97% of the ads I see are for them.  Haven't you taken enough of my money?  Jeez, let me spread the wealth. 

Seattle vs Carolina-  3 weeks ago this was probably a game you would turn off by halftime, as the Seahawks demise was in full swing....but now this could be a HUGE game as far as playoff standings go.  Seattle came through big time last week, can they go on the road and do it again?  I'm going to say no, but this is going to be a super close game for sure. 

NY Giants vs Philadelphia- Did you know that the turkey was almost our national bird instead of the bald eagle?  Imagine how different Thanksgiving would be if instead of juicy awesome turkey we were passing an eagle carcass around the dinner table. Save me a talon, Clark! Gross.  

Oakland vs Baltimore-  Last year was the first year I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for Thanksgiving so I really toned down the gluttony at dinner time. I wanted to make a good impression, made sure to try all the side dishes, not take all the white meat.  This year, however, is going to be a different story.  I'm comfortable with the family, and my body image, so I plan to absolutely ATTACK this year's spread, tossing aside the sides that don't look appealing, maximizing every square inch of my plate.  Its going to be amazing.  I might even wear sweatpants! 

Cleveland vs Cincinnati- This game features more autumn tones than your Thanksgiving center piece.  

Jacksonville vs Buffalo- What is more disappointing, the Jaguars rapid descent back to mediocrity or the lack of Buffalo Bills outragous tailgating videos this year?  I lean towards the videos, but damn Jacksonville, you suck. 

New England vs NY Jets-  Why does New England get so many cupcake games every year?  <checks what division they are in>  oh. 

Arizona vs LA Chargers-

Miami vs Indianapolis-  What better way to wrap up my favorite weekend of the year than with a WHITE HELMET GAME!  I hope there are more turnovers in this game than trips to the frigde for leftover stuffing from me.  

Pittsburgh vs Denver- Maybe this year for Thanksgiving you can serve a big ole pan of Al Roker's sweet potato poon.  Yeah, thats right. Save room on your plate for some poon.  <giggles>

Green Bay vs Minnesota- Aaron Rodgers donated $1 million towards the wildfire relief, but apparently didn't call his mom soon enough to check to see if the family was safe from the fires so now he's a jerk. I dunno.

Tennessee vs Houston- Honestly, all I can think about is turkey, I have to go. 


Last week's record- 7-6

Overall record- 100-59-2