NFL Week 2 Preview- RIP Russell Wilson?

September 13, 2018
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God bless the Redzone channel.  All the joys of football without the annoying commericals, or huddles, or national anthem controversies. You barely have to listen to Joe Buck!  Its all killer, no filler, baby!  They should set it to an 80's hair metal soundtrack to really kick things up a notch. I love it the most. Give me a pick 6 from a Tennessee Titans highlight over a draw on 3rd and 18 from my favorite team any day. I will admit to missing the thrill of riding the remote control all Sunday though, and the subtle satisfaction of perfectly timing a switch back from whatever movie TBS is playing (probably Braveheart) to the game juuuuust as it comes back from commercial. That was a real skill back in the 00's and an honor if the room bestowed the remote control duties to you. If channel surfing was a sport I'd be ranked top 20 in the world, I'm convinced. Let's pick some games! 

Baltimore at Cincinnati- A real discussion I had with myself while watching a Titans/Miami highlight last week. If the Thanos Snap happened in the NFL and we lost half the teams in the league, would anyone even notice that the Titans and Dolphins disappeared?  I'd throw the Bengals and Ravens in there too.  

Cleveland at New Orleans- My friend Hugo @MiVidaSeattle posted this after the Browns tied the Steelers last week, and I thought it was so incredibly savage and funny and so sooooooo Brownsy

Thats right!  I personally hope the Browns tie every game the rest of the season.  When you think about it, that would be way more impressive than going 16-0. Ties are difficult! 

Kansas City at Pittsburgh- I hope the Steelers lose every game ever until they pay Le'Veon Bell his money and bring him back.  This is purely for selfish reasons, as he is on my fantasy football team.  I'm petty like that. 

Miami at NY Jets- Last Monday, Sam Darnold became the youngest person to ever start a game at QB in the NFL. He promptly threw a pick 6.  The internet went bonkers.  After that play though, he settled in and led the Jets to an absolute thrashing of the Detroit Lions. The internet went bonkers again! Dude went from the biggest bust in NFL history to the second coming of Joe Namath. The point is, can we please stop with the hot takes?  Let things settle a bit, its okay! 

LA Chargers at Buffalo- Josh Allen will start for the Bills, and I hope he is great.  Mostly because Bills fans are out of their damn minds and its only a matter of time before someone gets seriously hurt after getting powerbombed through a flaming table in the parking lot before the game. We need them to start paying about 5% more attention to the games to prevent this. 

Indianapolis at Washington- Ever have too many players on teams you don't care about playing each other so you have to pay attention to a game you would otherwise NEVER watch? This is why fantasy football sucks.

Houston at Tennessee- There was a controversial play during the Texans v Patroits game last week that called for a replay challenge. All Texans coach Bill O'Brien had to do was call timeout and the booth would've certainly taken a look. But he didn't. Houston lost.  In the post game press conference, he was asked about why he didn't do anything, to which he responded "its not my job."  Its not your job?  ITS LITERALLY ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST JOBS!  We all work with someone like this too, and its the worst. 

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay- Speaking of the worst, we have an open office here at the station, and it is the worst.  There is someone down the hall from me that has a full on cackle laugh and hearing it 69 (nice) times a day is why I drink at night.  I imagine thats what it would be like to watch football with someone from Philadelphia. 

Minnesota at Green Bay- They say superstitions are fake, and to think that your actions have any bearing on an event happening thousands of miles away is insane but....A few years ago I stopped wearing Packer things on gamedays because it seemed like whenever I did, they would lose. So Sunday I said F it and wore my jersey...

with jersey on:  0-17, Aaron Rodgers taken away on a cart.

<throws jersey in the trash, really>

with jersey off: 24-6 Aaron Rodgers plays like he entered a cheat code.

So you tell me.

Carolina at Atlanta- Henry Cavill is being replaced as Superman in future DC movies.  No one really cares, and honestly If you weren't alerted to that fact, do you think you would even notice?  The Falcons could do this with Matt Ryan and it would be the same. 

Detroit at San Francisco- Its always kind of enjoyable when you have to listen to a division rival's fanbase go on and on about how improved they were going to be all offseason, only to have that team lay an egg in the first game, isn't it? Jimmy Garopopplaloppolo threw 3 ints and isn't the next Joe Montana apparently. Good.

Arizona at LA Rams- what exactly do the Salmon Sisters do?  This is the biggest question I have coming out of week 1. 

Oakland at Denver- Marshawn Lynch in high school, you guys. 

New England at Jacksonville- The Jaguars were 5 mintues and one errant referee whistle (THE PATRIOTS CHEAT!) away from beating New England and going to the Super Bowl last year.  They are going to be pumped up and out for revenge in this one.  Unfortunately, these always seem to be the games where Belichick comes up with the perfect game plan and they end up winning by a blow out.  Its why we all hate the Patriots really, well that and this.  

Ny Giants at Dallas- Watching Dallas underperform is truly one of life's pleasures isn't it?  In fact, that should be a special feature on the Redzone channel.  "We go to Dallas as the Cowboys have just failed to pick up a 3rd and short and will have to punt." I'D WATCH! 

Seattle at Chicago- Khalil Mack might kill Russell Wilson on Monday night.  

 

Enjoy the games everyone!

Last week record- 8-7-1

Season record- 8-7-1