NFL Week 3 Preview: RIP Russell Wilson?

September 19, 2018
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Last weekend I had a chance to play in a charity flag football tournament for the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation and let me tell you, it was amazing. Not only did we get to play on Century Link Field, but Cliff Avril, Walter Jones, and Marcus Hahnemman were on my squad, along with a bunch of your favorite local television personalities. I got to play quarterback and it was such a thrill to get to throw to an NFL Hall of Famer, a Super Bowl Champ, and a former goalie for the USMNT soccer team. Big thanks to everyone involved in an awesome event, we had a blast.  I've requested the game footage so I can show you that my old ass can still chuck it, and to also send it to the Bills, juuuuust in case they're looking for a backup.  

NY Jets at Cleveland- I'm convinced that a big reason the Browns forever suck is because their team name is garbage and doesn't motivate the players to give it their all.  Just look at the records of teams with soft nicknames like the Browns and Cardinals compared to teams with tough ones, like the Giants or Eagles.  The Browns would be 12-4 next year simply by changing their name to something awesome like The Tanks or Vampire Bats. 

Tennessee at Jacksonville- So wait, are the Jaguars for real for real?  Because I knew their defense alone made them mostly for real, but after putting a beating on the Patriots, I'm almost ready to consider them for real for real.  

Oakland at Miami- There's some stat out there that says West Coast teams are 5-342397869723 when they have to travel all the way to the East Coast to play an early game.  Who am I to go against science?  

Denver at Baltimore- I've been rewatching The Wire.  Its probably the best television show ever and it takes place in Baltimore.  For that reason alone I'm taking The Ravens....well that and I tried picking up Phillip Lisdsay off the waiver wire in my fantasy league to no avail.  There is nothing more infuriating than having to wait for a waiver request to go through only to find out you were unsuccessful.  Its like ordering the last slice of pizza and the guy behind the counter telling you "its yours, but we have to wait 4 days just to make sure no one else wants it."  What the crap is that?  I hope Lindsay breaks a hip. 

NY Giants at Houston

Indianapolis at Philadelphia- The Eagles are short on recievers so the resigned Jordan Matthews and worked out Jeremy Maclin.  I love when this happens because it riles up the fanbase, setting them up perfectly for disappointment.  And if there's one thing I love, its a furious fanbase (takes knee).  "Hey Clark, Eagles brought back Matthews!"  "Always liked that guy! I'm sure he's got something left in the tank."  4 weeks later, after Matthews has 2 catches for 11 yards, "Matthews is a bum! He's washed up!"  "Should've never brought him back, not when T.O. is available!" Its a vicious cycle. 

Geren Bay at Washington- The Packers got ROBBED last week due to a garbage roughing the passer penalty.  This is going to continue to happen all year and at some point cost a team a playoff win. Its pretty dumb that a player gets penalized this year because they couldn't defy the laws of physics and gravity. On the play the ball was intercepted so I turned it off and headed to Taco Time for some lunch.  Imagine my surprise when I turned on the radio to find out the game was still going and the Vikings had tied it!  Any penalty that ruins a trip to Taco Time should be immediately erased from the rule book.  I will never forgive the officials for this. 

Buffalo at Minnesota- The Bills are in such shambles that they had a player retire in the middle of last week's game!  Imagine being so bad that a guy would rather give up millions of dollars than to go back on the field with you.  

New Orleans at Atlanta- The Super Bowl is in Atlanta, which is great because that means we are going to have an amazing halftime show since the ATL is a legendary hotbed of awesome musicians.  Wait. What's that?  Maroon 5 will be the halftime performers? No Outkast, No Luda, No Gucci NO MIGOS????  Its like the NFL is actively trying to trigger you this season and I'm over it.  

San Francisco at Kansas City- This Patrick Mahomes guy is pretty good, eh?  I can't wait for Andy Reid to do something stupid to blow the AFC Championship game. 

Cincinnati at Carolina- Instead of sitting through this garbage game, just watch this on repeat for 3 hours. 

LA Chargers at LA Rams- Just gonna leave this right here...

Dallas at Seattle- Its the Seahawks home opener!  And hopefully a little home cooking will get the guys back on track, although this has all the looks of a season of implosion doesn't it? I don't think Russell Wilson and Son of Marty see eye to eye.  Earl Thomas might switch jerseys at halftime. Buckle up Hawks fans, this could get a lot worse before it gets any better. 

Chicago at Arizona- I like that the Cardinals are crap again, feels like order has been restored in the universe a bit. 

New England at Detroit- The teacher meets the student and the teacher will destroy. 

Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay- FITZMAGIC FITZMAGIC FITZMAGIC!!!!

 

Last week record: 10-5-1

Overall record: 18-12-2