NFL Week 5 Preview:

October 4, 2018
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The Legion of Boom era officially ended in disappointing fashion last week when safety Earl Thomas went down with a broken leg.  Thomas, as you know, was engaged in a war of words with the team regarding his contract, but unlike Steelers RB Le'Veon Bell, who has decided to sit out until he gets his extention, Earl showed up and balled out. And ended up getting hurt for the rest of the season. Its going to cost him 10s of millions of dollars, so its understandable that he was seen flipping off the Seahawks sideline as he was carted off the field last week. Now, as a fan, its easy to call his act disgraceful, but think about it from his point of view. Imagine what it must feel like to bring a Super Bowl to an organization, still being in your prime, and being told they still weren't sure you deserved an extention.  Imagine watching all of your friends bail for greener pastures, only for you to stay and STILL not be rewarded.  NFL players have a very small window to maximize their worth, and quite frankly Earl got screwed. Its a sad end to a great era in Seahawks history and everyone deserved better. Everyone except Darrell Bevel! 

Indianapolis vs New England:  If Andrew Luck doesn't dress up as a soldier from the Civil War and post pictures this Halloween, I hope his arm falls off for good this time. 

Tennessee vs Buffalo: Marcus Mariotta is looking sharp so far this year!  Maybe its because he's finally healthy or maybe its because of the Titans sharp new uniforms. Either way,  don't sleep on the Titans this season, even though, for whatever dumb reason, I think the Bills shock the world this week.  I am wrong, by the way, pick the Titans. 

Miami vs Cincinnati:  These two teams are so Jeckyl and Hyde aren't they?  Like the random piece of taffy at the bottom of your candy bag.  Could be delicious. Could be garbage. And you never know until you pop it in our mouth. 

Jacksonville vs Kansas City:  The Patrick Mahomes hype train is building speed. And its deserved, he is AWESOME!  In fact he is so awesome that he is making everyone forget that his head coach is Andy Reid, and come playoff time, Andy Reid does Andy Reid things, which means Ole Pat Mahomes won't be going to Disneyland after the Super Bowl.  You'll see! 

Baltimore vs Cleveland:  Baker Mayfield has taken 

Denver vs NY Jets: all of Sam Darnold's shine. 

Atlanta vs Pittsburgh:  Last week I wrote "The Falcons won an exciting shoot out last weekend against the Saints.  One of those wins where you immediately think "Ooooh the Falcons are back and looking dangerous!"  And then you pick them to win the next week and they get smoked by the Bengals.  Mark it down."  Nailed it.  This week is the exact opposite, where you think "Ooooh the Falcons are so overrated and fraudulent, there's no way they go in to Pittsburgh and pull off an upset." And then you pick them to lose and they smoke the Steelers.  Mark it down. Again. 

Green Bay vs Detroit:  Seahawks fans, you are in for a long season and you know it.  And I'm here to tell you, knowing is half the battle, embrace the suck!  I say this because now you can adjusted your expectations properly and know that each win should be treated with the right blend of surprise, relief, and excitement. Like "wait a second, maybe we can sneak in to the playoffs at 8-8, but I doubt it."  As a Packers fan, I'm living in the opposite world and it is terrible.  I expect us to be great this year, but we've been mediocre at best so far, so every week I have to go into it with the uncertainty of what to expect. Every week is 3 hours of aggrivation followed by either fury or uneasy relief.  Never joy. My stomach is already churning at the prospect of losing to the Lions because Matt Stafford decides to throw for 700 yards...and the fact that it is not out of the realm of possibility.  

NY Giants vs Carolina: For the past few weeks I've been talking about checking out Mike's Chili Parlor in Ballard, and all of a sudden I can't get away from stories about the place.  Its weird when that happens right?  Like, one minute you've never heard of the place, and the next minute VICE is doing articles on it.  Kind of like when you bought that car with a cool unique matte black finish, then pulled up next to 2 cars with the exact same paint job the second you got off the lot.  The worst. 

Oakland vs LA Chargers: The team LA wants vs the team LA got. I feel bad that the Chargers have to play a home game with a road crowd. Phillip Rivers should bring all of his kids to the game, just to ensure the crowd is a 50/50 split. 

LA Rams vs Seattle: Its weird when traditionally bad/mediocre teams get good. I hate it.  It upsets the natural order of the world. I want my oatmeal lumpy, my politicians crooked, and teams like the Cardinals and Rams and Jaguars and Lions to suck forever.  

Arizona vs San Francisco: Every year around this time I get all excited to do a ghost hunt...and every year I never do it.  I'd like to say maybe this will be the year, but who are we fooling?  I'll take in a few scary movies at best, and then lament another spooky season coming and going without me getting undeniable proof of ghosts. If you know any good haunts or paranormal societies, you should contact me! I won't respond. 

Minnesota vs Philadelphia: WHAT THE HECK?????

Dallas vs Houston: The Texas Bowl!  I wish these things were treated with the gravity they deserved.  There should be a chili cook off at halftime, followed by a rodeo!  Seeing Jerry Jones in his cute little cowboy hat, and Matt Schaub out in the parking lot, rustling up the cattle. I'D WATCH!

Washington vs New Orleans: In a recent interview, Saints coach Sean Payton claims that the NFL wanted him fired from his job after being implicated in bountygate. Honestly, he probably should have been!  The last thing this league needs is someone on the sidelines reminding us that football used to be a blood sport.  This is the NEW NFL!  The safe for players NFL.  The "15 yd penalty for falling on a quarterback" NFL.  Meh. 

Record last week:

10-5-0

Overall record:

37-24-2