NFL Week 7 Preview: Get this bread

October 19, 2018

If you win the lottery this weekend, would you buy the Seahawks?  I know I would, and I'm not even a fan!  I'd buy all sorts of dumb stuff too, and laugh maniacally the whole time. That would be the best part about being a billionaire, doing ridiculous things despite the warnings of your accountants and friends.  A reall Willy Wonka situation, you guys. I would go nuts.  My house would have a moat, and a baseball stadium in the back yard.  I'd hire a team of scientists to devote their time to finally creating a proper hoverboard that we've been waiting for since Back to the Future. Pearl Jam and Lil Wayne would be on retainer for whenever I wanted to throw a party or listen to Yellow Ledbetter 164 times in a row. You would want to visit!  And I'd let you. 

Denver vs Arizona- The coaching staff of the Arizona Cardinals should be sent to prison for their misuse of David Johnson.  Firing the OC isn't enough. I DEMAND JUSTICE! 

New England vs Chicago-  The NFL loves teasing having a team permanently in London.  I hope they send the Patriots, mostly to upset all the Massholes but also because I would love to see them have to change their name to the Old England Patriots.  

Minnesota vs NY Jets- 

Carolina vs Philadelphia- I had beers at Sisters and Brothers in Georgetown last week and was taken aback by how much fried chicken they were pumping out of their kitchen. Have you ever been?  Do I need to go back and get this chicken?  Because I feel like I need to go back and get this chicken. 

Detroit vs Miami- Brock Osweiler, you guys.  

Cleveland vs Tampa Bay- I still can't bring myself around on the Browns being a good team, but a big road win here would probably do the trick.  

Buffalo vs Indianapolis-  WHITE HELMET GAME OF THE WEEK!  Last week we had the Colts vs the Jets and saw 4 interceptions.  Luck will probably clean up a bit this week but who even knows who is throwing for Buffalo so expect plenty of ints. 

Houston vs Jacksonville- Nebraska changed their tourism logo to "Its not for everyone" and I feel that is also an accurate statement for the playcalling of Bill O'Brien and the city of Jacksonville, in general. I'd pay $3.50 right now to have Jim Nance intro this game with "Houston, Jacksonville, its not for everyone.  Kickoff next on CBS."  

New Orleans vs Baltimore- Its the #1 offense in the NFL versus the #1 defense, and if any of my old coaches taught me anything, its that a good defense beats a good offense.  In 2018 and I disagree with this completely, but Baltimore (the locals say "Baldmore." I know because of The Wire) is at home and I've seen the Saints lay too many eggs on the road so let's make Coach Ellis happy and just go with it the Ravens. 

Dallas vs Washington- Did you know that Washington wears white at home simply to keep Dallas from getting to wear their preferred colors for this game?  Its true!  I fully support this level of trolling, takes commitment to be this petty.  

LA Rams vs San Francisco- I got really excited last night when my DVR started recording a Rick and Morty episode because for a split second I thought it was a new episode. Alas it wasn't and I yelled at my stupid TV box for being stupid.  This is what will happen to Niners fans this week, as they've gotten overly excited by the DVR light going on (hanging tough against GB last week) only to be reminded this week that they are still the Niners, and they still suck. 

Cincinnati vs Kansas City

NY Giants vs Atlanta- Odell Beckham is trash. 

 

Last week's record: 9-6

Overall record: 56-36-2

 

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