NFL Week 9 Preview:

November 8, 2018
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I got in to a car accident last week, and it sucks. Don't drive like jerks, you guys.  

 

Carolina vs Pittsburgh- Le'Veon Bell is back in Pittsburgh!  Playing basketball at the local LA Fitness!  THEY DON'T GIVE OUT FANTASY FOOTBALL POINTS FOR JUMPERS LE'VEON, GET TO WORK!!!!  Seriously though, if you are the Steelers you don't even play him when he finally shows up do you?

Atlanta vs Cleveland- I tried getting a birthday cake this weekend with a WSU logo on it. Did you know you needed approval from the University for that since its a trademarked logo?  TRUE STORY.  

Washington vs Tampa Bay-  Vice posted an article earlier this week that showed how your phone is totally listening to you even though "they" say it isn't. Pretty scary stuff, and I'm mad. Not that they are spying on me to hit me with the most specific of target ads, but that they haven't once given me useful information back, like winning lottery numbers or something.  If I got a message from Facebook with just a series of numbers I would absolutely play them!  Laugh now, but when I'm flying by you in my private jet I'll be the one with the smile on their face. 

Arizona vs Kansas City- Just got an email saying there was free pizza in the break room.  BRB...

Detroit vs Chicago- Ok, I'm back.  Managed to snag the last slice of pepperoni.  Sure, I had to punch an intern to get it, but I'll be damned if I'm not getting free lunch or worse, getting stuck with a slice of the fancy "artisinal" pie. You know, the one with the white sauce and mystery vegetables on it.  I'm convinced artisinal is just a nice word for garbage. Especially when it comes to pizza.

New Orleans vs Cincinnati- The Saints made a bold move and signed Dez Bryant to help solidify their WR corps for the push to the playoffs. I hope this backfires, because Dez Bryant is the worst and he shouldn't be able to luck in to a Super Bowl ring.  Now, I don't know for sure that Dez really is the worst, but he used to be a Cowboy so its likely. 

New England vs Tennessee- The most disappointing result of this week's elections is that I once again lost out to Guy Fieri to be the mayor of Flavor Town. I demand a recount! A bold move for sure, but I like my politics like my flavors, what can I say.

Buffalo vs NY Jets-  The big midterm elections were earlier this week. Can someone please tell news networks to quit broadcasting like they're the redzone channel? Enough with the impact stingers and graphics, it's the damn future of the country at stake not a Jets touchdown.

Jacksonville vs Indianapolis- A new study came out and it said that drinking coffee could cut your chances of getting Parkinson's and Alzheimer's disease. As if you needed any more reasons to refill that coffee cup sitting empty on your desk right now. You know, the one with the gross stains on the inside that you haven't given a good wash to since the last time the Mariners were in the playoffs.

LA Chargers vs Oakland-  If this game goes to overtime, I say they make Phillip Rivers and Jon Gruden see whose face can get more red with the victor getting his respective team the win.  I'D WATCH!

Miami vs Green Bay-  The Packers once again donked their chance at victory due to stupid football. That has to be blamed on the head coach, which is why its time for Mike McCarthy to kick rocks.  Honestly, he should probably be in jail for wasting the prime of Aaron Rodgers' career, but I'm trying not to be one of those insane fans this year so I've stopped calling the Green Bay Police Department after losses. 

Seattle vs LA Rams-  The Hawks almost pulled off a stunning victory against the LA Cheat Codes the last time they faced off.  Can they finish the job this time around?  Probably not, as that seems to be the biggest problem with the team this year. 

Dallas vs Philadelphia- I started watching The Haunting of Hill House this week and wow is it scary, you guys! 

NY Giants vs San Francisco-  Pringles announced that they are coming out with Thanksgiving dinner flavored chips this week and people are upset.  I love when people overreact to something trivial like this.  Maybe instead of letting the flavor of a chip ruin your day and cause you to rage tweet, you just don't eat one and move on with your life, instead?  Or maybe you take advantage of the tube packaging and dump a can of gravy down there and have the best MNF experience you can.! Well, the best experience you can while having to watch the Giants and Niners.