#sEATtle; Bateau

August 19, 2016

I like to eat. A lot. Food is bae. Therefore, I figured I would post reviews of the places I go to give you a little insight and maybe some ideas on where you might want to nom with your friends or special someones. Plus, it gives me an excuse to pig out on Seattle's best eats and not feel bad about it, because work!

Before we start though, I want to make one thing perfectly clear, I am NOT a professional food nerd, nor do I want to be. I dont know the intricacies of French cooking. Heck, I dont even know how to spell "intricacies." It also means that if you ask me what the best burger is, I'll probably say Lil Woody's before I suggest any kind of "gourmet" burger, unless that gourmet burger has an egg on it. Then gourmet burger wins (any burger with an egg on it wins really.) Also, my idea of a fancy pizza is anything with more than two toppings. Basically what I'm getting at is consider these restaurant reviews for the common man/woman.

Got it? Good, let's roll!


1040 E Union


I walked in to Bateau with super high expectations, considering its been featured in magazines as not just one of Seattle's best new restaurants, but as one of the best in all of the US and A. A steak house that cares so much about the product it puts out that the owners literally bought a farm and started raising their own livestock.  Talk about farm to table!  Obviously a perfectly cooked Denver cut steak would be the star of the show, or so I thought.  Little did I know that I was about to have the greatest.......well, keep reading to find out.



Dirty Grey Goose martini- The gold standard of post-work, pre-dinner cocktails.  Lucky for me the bartenders are as good as the chef at Bateau, this martini was perfectly prepared.

Potato croquette- A nice amuse bouche greeted us shortly after we sat down.  Underwhelming but good none the less.  Needed..something..salt maybe?

Steak tartar- Naturally, a restaurant that specializes in red meat nailed this dish. 

Reuben Mille Feuille- Thats right, a Reuben as an app!  I have to say, it really didn't go with anything else we orderd, but it didn't matter, we ordered it because of its quirkiness and it delivered on all fronts.  

Bateau Burger- —8 oz. house ground, dry aged, grass fed beef, semolina bun, onion jam, aioli.  As a general rule, I don't really like "fancy burgers." Give me a Big Woody or anything from Rain City and I'm cool.  Plus who goes to a steak house and gets a dang burger? What a waste!!  I had no interest, until my dinner guest and a friend told me it was a "must."  Boy were they right!  In fact, they were so right that I have to take a second to thank my good friend Ryan Sires for the recommendation. You da real MVP homeboy. THIS IS THE BEST BURGER I HAVE EVER HAD EVER. EVER. Its perfect!  The onion jam, the aoli, everything working together to bring you the most savory and rich bite of burger you will ever have. Ever.  It was so good I wanted to immediately order another one. It was so good I started swearing (true story.) IT WAS SO GOOD I WANTED TO THROW IT UP SO I COULD EAT IT AGAIN. Ok, thats gross, but you get the point right?  You want this burger, you NEED this burger. In fact, I'm going back this weekend for one. 

Beet salad.  I just got done eating the best thing ever, who cares.

Steak- Bateau has a bunch of awesome different cuts of steak, which makes ordering slightly intimidating, but their servers are super knowledgeable and more than happy to steer you in the right direction. PUN! 

Steak- They also offer a variety of butter to put on the top of your cut.  I think the entire table went with the bone marrow and herbs butter, because anytime you can add the richness of bone marrow to butter and then throw it on top of more meat, you have to. 

Steak- Ordering is pretty fun too, because as other guests choose their cuts, they come off the big chalk board.  Its kind of like doing a Fantasy Football Draft.  With the 3rd selection of the #sEATtle Steak Appreciation League draft, Jon Manley selects the 10oz Denver cut. SLEEPER PICK!  It was phenominal.


Let me make this perfectly clear, EVERY piece of meat that I ate was delicious and perfectly cooked to specifications, but the burger here is the star.  You know how Michael Jordan is just 1000% better than everyone else, even though there are plenty of other hall of famers out there? That's what this burger is.  Michael dang Jordan.  Stop reading this and get one already!

GO HERE IF- You want to try the best hamburger of your entire life, and enjoy super high quality farm to table meats.

DON'T GO HERE IF- You are a vegetarian.