Photo courtesy of SIPA

Predicting the top stories of 2018

December 21, 2017
Categories: 

If 2017 taught us anything, it's to expect the unexpected, and that you can't predict anything, so don't even try.

So we tried.

Playlist: 50 songs we heard for the first time in 2017

We have no idea what 2018 will bring, but if it's anything like 2017, hold on to your butts.

Here's what we think could happen, and a few things we hope will happen, in 2018:

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH ALIENS

  • Branden predicts...Based on that New York Times article, we will definitely discover aliens in 2018. Either that, or it'll turn out that aliens have been chilling here the whole time Men in Black disguise style. One way or another, political stuff will probably be too crazy for us to even acknowledge..."Yeah, yeah cool, acidy spit? That's fine, what did Trump say now?" 

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH SEATTLE

  • Manley predicts... It's announced that Amazon employees never have to leave work, as sleeping pods are installed on campus. My Seattle apartment becomes affordable again…barely
  • Branden predicts... Amazon banana stands multiply uncontrollably, crashing the world banana market and putting the real Amazon rainforest out of business, completing Bezos' dream of being King of the Amazon.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH POLITICS

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH TECHNOLOGY

  • Gregr predicts... Elon Musk debuts robot teleporter to make it easier for future AI to annihilate the humans.
  • Branden predicts... Somebody invents another version of those damn hoverboards everyone rides around on the sidewalks. This one also explodes occasionally.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH SPORTS

  • Gregr predicts...Swedish National Football team make it to semi-final of World Cup only to tear off masks revealing Jordan Morris, Clint Dempsey and the rest of team USA beneath

Photo by Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports


WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH MUSIC

  • Alyssa predicts...  Dave Grohl marries Alyssa from The End.
  • Branden predicts... Twenty One Pilots probably do something. Their fans sieze the internet. "Look at me! I am the captain now!"

Photo by Alyssa

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH ENTERTAINMENT

  • Manley predicts... The Rock stars in a movie about The Rock, written by The Rock, and directed by The Rock. It grosses 17 zillion dollars.
  • Branden predicts... Will Smith is in every single movie.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH FOOD

  • Manley predicts...  Mushrooms will be the “it” food of 2018, spawning hundreds of bad Super Mario impressions and allusions to hallucinating amongst the hipster set. Brace yourselves.

What do you think happens in 2018? Let us know!

Tweet at The End

WATCH: Everything you need to know about the Seattle Dog