Sounders FC

Hey boss babe, sell five chankonabes and become a Yokozuna like me, Alex Roldan. Roman Torres is BACK to retain his title as biggest boi, and to defeat the northern invaders, Whitecaps FC who are Bryan Meredith-less (#FindBryan) in Seattle. Who has the best thick hot beef in Seattle?
In the literal hellscape we currently live in, it would appear that it is also a groundhog day of a season as the Sounders will play LAFC for the infinith time, but at least LAFC only beat San Jose 5-1. It’s a good thing the Sounders play in America otherwise they would score less goals, and it’s...
Like a stadium in Texas, our podcast feed sounds better with piped in crowd noise and is only 25% full. As you’ll hear, we have to do the 8 mile thing where we dunk on ourselves so nobody can dunk on us first. How do you pronounce it, France or France?
When a bad touch leads to discussion about the human condition, it can only mean one thing — soccer is back. Emodiaz pulled the soccer ball out of the Wizard Bird virtual ad realm to t-bag the Timbers and Kelvin Leerdam apparently made his MLS debut, but is the world destined to get better, or are...
Grab your bi-color cape, we're keeping soccer alive the best way we know how! Let the sickness continue so the league can live. Also, warning about possible inhalation of exercise farts...
CenturyLink stadium

Seattle Sounders FC Have Home Games Coming Up

MLS rolled out the next six matches post MLS Is Back tournament.
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We waited for lightning and storms to pass and we still don’t know who the Sounders will play in the Playoffs Jr., or how they somehow secured the #2 seed in their group, or how Vancouver advanced at all, or what Brian Schmetzer’s username is. When Nouhou is your safest player in defense, you know...
We’d rather eat a deep dish pizza than be put through 100 minutes of that again. The Rave Green were drenched in the springs of the Chad Barrett River, but they’re going to need more than that if they plan on beating accidental Canadian goals on Sunday. Sounders advance if [insert complicated...
Well, that was something. Sounders are back, kinda, and if you want to get up early on Tuesday, you can see if it gets any better, because it can’t get worse. You can now lease your neck to Raul Ruidiaz for future tattoos, but you should get in line. JUST GIVE THE GD BALL TO RAUL.
Two games into the tournament (or one if you’re Gregr) and we learned a few things. Mainly, MLS is crap, white shirts are see-through when wet #FreeTheNip, and we should all hold our ACLs a little more close. Dunking on MLS is still original and cool, right?