5 Things Old People Do On Facebook To Drive You Crazy

September 15, 2015

I remember the day Myspace died.  It wasn't when it became a hub for spam, or when my friends started fighting over who was ranked higher on my Top 8 friends list. Nope, it was when I discovered I had a new follower, and that new follower was my dang mom.  Of course, the fall of Myspace resulted in the rise of Facebook. Facebook was awesome! Poking your friends, "Liking" their pictures, and most importantly...NO PARENTS.  Of course, that was short lived. Eventually we couldn't keep our mouths shut and after the 500000th "why didnt you respond to my note on your myspace?" question from our elders, we finally (in a moment of weakness) blurted out "BECAUSE IM ON FACEBOOK NOW GOSHNOWWOULDYOUPLEASELEAVEMEALONE!!" and ruined everything.  Now my mom is on Facebook. My dad is as well, posting from my step mom's page. It's the worst. Here's my list of 5 things that old people do on Facebook that make me mental. 

 

5- USE OTHER PEOPLE'S PICTURE FOR THEIR OWN PROFILE

Half the time its because they dont know how to post a pic to their timeline properly, half the time its because they think its because their grandkids/dogs/food/motivational quote is important. All of the time, its confusing and annoying. Old people, stop it. 

 

4- OVER SHARE/WRITE A BOOK

Shout outs to listener @emmakela for mentioning this when I asked about it on Twitter.  Look, ma, I like staying in touch and knowing whats going on back in Wisconsin, but I don't like having it shared on my newsfeed for all the world to see. No one wants to know about how much i still owe in student loans, or which one of my dumb cousins is in jail this week. Ain't nobody got time for that!  Hey, speaking of ain't nobody got time for that....

 

3- USE OUTDATED PHRASES

You know when something has jumped the shark? When your Uncle Carl starts using it. Remember how your folks completely ruined the Borat voice? Its been 10 years and I still get queasy when I hear someone say niiiiiiiice. I had one of my uncles post a video of their recent vacation back to their alma mater with the caption "Got turnt up in Madison." I punched my computer screen. 

 

2- POST A NONSTOP STREAM OF CLICK BAIT AND CHAIN MAILS

Have you ever actually been surprised by the outcome of one of those"You think this person is just walking around being stupid but you won't believe what happens next" posts? Me neither. But  these things blow old people's minds all the time! Why else would they possibly post so many of them? 

 

1- LIKE EVERYTHING

I have 2 separate Facebook pages, one for listeners/fans and one for family.  Hey at the time it seemed like a good idea, back off. Anyway, if you could see all the posts on my private page, you would notice that on EVERY post between 2012- September 2014 was liked by my step-mom...I mean dad.  Why did it stop at September 2014? Because it got so out of control I had to block him. My own dad! I'm an awful son for sure, but he's an even awful..er socia media...er.  I REGRET NOTHING!  

 

So there you have it. A comprehensive list of all the things we are going to start doing in 20 years when we become old.  And if you think that's bad, you won't believe what happens next!  OH NO, ITS ALREADY HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!