Manley's Pro Football Picks Week 11

November 19, 2015
Categories: 

You guys, I did SO bad at picking games last week that I benched myself.  Filling in this week is my dog, Mookie Blaylock.  He's adorable, and can't possibly do worse than I did last week.  Ok Mookiedog, good luck....on with the picks....

 

TITANS VS JAGUARS- I hear that these teams are wearing powder blue and mustard yellow uniforms this week.  Thank the Spaghetti Monster I'm color blind, because gross.  Pick- Jaguars

RAIDERS VS LIONS- One of my favorite things to do is sniff other dog's butts. Yeah, I know, its weird.  I bet The Black Hole in Oakland smells like a dog's butt. Pick- Raiders

COLTS VS FALCONS- I only weigh 15 lbs so I am in constant fear of being eaten by an eagle or falcon when I go on hikes with my master.  That said, if you had to go, taking your last breath as you soar above the clouds in teh grasp of a bird of prey would probably be pretty sweet. Pick- Falcons

JETS VS TEXANS- Texans QB Brian Hoyer was so concussed last week that he couldn't remember the plays he was calling.  Thats what its like being a dog ALL THE TIME! We aren't dumb. We just have no memory.  ITS DIFFERENT. Pick- Jets.

BUCS VS EAGLES- That Sam Bradford fellow is like a cheap chew toy.  Only good for a few weeks and then it breaks. Pick- Bucs!

BRONCOS VS BEARS- Much like Payton Manning, I have nerve damage and can't feel my back legs.  Its a struggle for me to even walk with this condition, and Old Man Manning is playing NFL football!  That should be celebrated, not mocked.  Its cool to make fun of his gigantic head though.  That thing is like an orange on a toothpick. Pick- Bears

RAMS VS RAVENS- Sometimes I just dig holes in the yard.  I don't know why, it just seems like the right thing to do at the time.  That's pretty weird right?  I agree, but you know what? I keep doing it.  WHY?!? Pick- Rams

COWBOYS VS DOLPHINS- Why do you humans like taking baths?  Water is HORRIBLE! Everytime I hear that bathtub faucet turn on, I try finding the darkest corner in my apartment in hopes Manley doesn't find me.  I even bury my head under a blanket, which I heard makes me invisible. But somehow he always finds me and I get thrown in the goddam tub.  Hate it. Pick- Cowboys

REDSKINS VS PANTHERS- I like that Cam Newton's dance moves.  Pick- Cam Newtons

CHIEFS VS CHARGERS- I remember when my master used to have a girl staying over. Oh how I loved eating her underwear.  Total dog fetish, you guys.  Hey speaking of underwear, I hear DTHB is coming up soon and it sounds like a great show.  Don't forget to bring a pack of new underwear to donate to Youth Care, because going commando is only cool when its done by choice. Pick- Chiefgers

NINERS VS SEAHAWKS- How come anytime a star athlete starts to play bad, their girlfriend/wife is always somehow a possible reason.  That Aaron Rodgers fella and Russell Wilson are both going through this right now.  Seems a little ridiculous to me, but then again, how much attention would you pay to the playbook when there's a smoking hot babe sitting next to you?  Thats what happens to me when I see beagles.  Completely turn to mush. Drives Manley crazy. Pick- Seahawks

PACKERS VS VIKINGS- My master is a Packers fan, so I have no choice. Pick- Packers

BENGALS VS CARDINALS- That Carson Palmer, what a jerk amirite?  I bet he thought he was a real bad ass when he did the DX crotch chop towards Seahawk fans last week.  Here's the thing, that ain't so tough.  One time I had a pit bull giving me the business during one of my walks around the block. You know what I did? Peed right on him.  Now that's hardcore! Hey, sometimes you gotta let someone know who runs these streets. Harrison, between Bellview and Republic is MY BLOCK, sucka! Pick- Cardinals

BILLS VS PATRIOTS- pick- Patriots.

GAMETIME FOOD CHOICE- table scraps!  Humans, do you even realize how much better food gets after it hits the floor? OMG, SO GOOD.  Trust me, you need to try it.  Bake yourself a nice turkey this Thanksgiving, pull it out of the oven and place it right on the floor and go to town.  You won't be disappointed.  Especially if you get bits of carpet in there, oh man, my stomach is rumbling just thinking about it.  Be careful around chocolate though, just saying. 

YOU'RE THE REAL MVP- Did you hear that a dog lost its life hunting down terrorists in France this week. That is one heroic dog, and I salute him, and all law enforcement/military animals AND people fighting to keep us all safe and free.  You're all the real MVPs. Woof!

Last Week's Picks- I went 14-0 but my dumb master mistook my barks for what team to pick for barks that I had to pee.  What an idiot.

Overall Record - 85-61

 

Good luck everyone!