Manley's Pro Football Picks Week 2

September 17, 2015
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Earlier this week, a convicted murderer in Manchester England escaped to the roof of the prison he was held in.  He stayed up there singing and dancing and generally being a lunatic until they got him down by giving him a pizza and some soda.  When you think about it, that was probably the best turn out you could've expected if you were him, right?  You know even before going up there that you have a 0% chance of actually getting released, but if some food and media attention is a satisfying end game for you, its worth it right?  I mean, the guy is a murderer. He's probably already in jail for 30 years, whats 3 more on top of that?  I don't know prison economy, but I bet a six pack of coke and a quality pizza is totally worth 3-5 years. On to the picks...

 

TEXANS VS PANTHERS- Every year I watch Hard Knocks on HBO and by the end of the season I've convinced myself that whatever team they highlight is going to be good.  Except this year.  The Texans are going to be bad, even though JJ Watt will do something SportCenter worthy every week.  He's a monster. Pick- PANTHERS

49ERS VS STEELERS- The Niners have a guy on thier team that used to be a pro rugby player from Australia.  I bet he's incredibly bored playing football.  Imagine going from the nonstop action of a rugby match to the ridiculous amount of stopping and starting that happens during an NFL game. If I had the discipline (I do NOT have the discipline) I would record my NFL game of choice so I could FF through all the crap that happens between plays.  I bet you could finish a game in 15 min if you did that. Pick- STEELERS

BUCCANEERS VS SAINTS- I watched the Republican Debate on CNN the other day and I couldn't get over the interplay between Donald Trump and Jeb Bush. Once you got past they fact that its entirely possibly one of them becomes president, hey were HILARIOUS. I really think that after this election cycle they should start a buddy comedy about those two.  The premise could be something like both men run for office and end up in a dead tie.  Instead of a re-vote or something logical, the Supreme Court declares that both men must run the country together, with hilarious consequences! Coming this fall, from the writers of 2 and a Half Men, The CW presents.... Mr Presidents. Admit it, you'd watch. Pick- SAINTS

LIONS VS VIKINGS- I feel terrible for fans of bad teams that convince themselves every year that their team will be better.  These are Minnesota Vikings fans during the entirety of the Adrian Peterson era.  I feel especially terrible for them this year, as they've talked themselves into Teddy Bridgewater being the savior.  Imagine telling someone with a straight face that you believe that, if he works on his release point, Teddy Bridgewater could be an elite QB someday.  Blind optimism is endearing in theory, but in practice its really quite brutal. Pick- LIONS

CARDINALS VS BEARS- My godson's birthday coincided with Force Friday a few weeks ago.  It was a massacre.  If my charm, love, and dependability doesn't win this kid over, dropping a hundred bucks on swords, guns, and robots surely will do the trick.  For some reason, I felt the need to ask my brother if it was cool to buy all those weapons.  It was fine, but it made me sad for the world that we live in times where you have to think twice about giving a kid pretend lazer swords and nerf guns out of fear they might become a mass murderer. When I was a tyke all we did was run around playing army, and none of us grew up to be cold blooded killers....or at least have been caught yet. Pick- CARDINALS

PATRIOTS VS BILLS- South Park 1- NFL 0  https://youtu.be/WKjc8IfzzMM Pick- BILLS

CHARGERS VS BENGALS- Whenever I watch a Chargers game I like to pretend that since they live in San Diego, all the players talk like surfer bros. "Hey brah, I was totally open on that last play brah!" "I know brah, but I had a gnarly pass rush coming at me brah." "Its cool brah, fish tacos after the game, brah?" "YOU KNOW IT, BRAH!" The Chargers rule! Pick- CHARGERS

TITANS VS BROWNS- ESPN did a big story on how Johnny Manziel broke the internet when he entered the game last week.  ESPN is annoying now. Pikc- TITANS

FALCONS VS GIANTS-  SO many things I could talk about here- The Giants' incredibly stupid handling of the clock, the fact that the Falcons totally came through for me last week and beat the Eagles.....barely.  Or THIS. Yikes!  Pick- FALCONS

RAMS VS REDSKINS- Pick- RAMS

DOLPHINS VS JAGUARS- Scary Fantasy Football revelation of the week- I have 2(!) players from the Jacksonville Jaguars on my roster.  The same Jacksonville Jaguars team that were the 2nd lowest scoring team in the NFL last year.  Smart, Manley. Smart. Pick- DOLPHINS

RAVENS VS RAIDERS- I binged watched Mr. Robot last week and let me tell you something, it was AWESOME!  There were at least 3 plot twists that melted my brain. If you haven't seen it yet, you really should.  Its like Fight Club with computers and morphine!  You can stream all the episodes On Demand, but be warned, they keep a few commercials in there and you can't fast forward through them. What a dick move.  Only a few, but it was infuriating and you deserve to know beforehand. Pick- RAVENS

COWBOYS VS EAGLES- Did you see Dez Bryant running around in his underpants with a broken foot after the big Dallas win last Sunday night?  If anyone is ever going to lose their minds and reenact the first scene of The Last Boy Scout, its going to be Dez.  He's on my fantasy team, I wonder how many points you get for shooting people? 10 seems fair. Better than a TD, but not so much where you are actively rooting for it to happen. Pick- EAGLES

SEAHAWKS VS PACKERS- kinda weird that the Hawks' kryptonite is short yardage situations, considering they have the toughest RB in the league. Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett had a pretty interesting public debate over the Black Lives Matter movement this week.  Worth checking out for sure. If the Seahawks beat the Packers again, Wisconsin will burn. I'm nervous for my family. Pick- SEAHAWKS

JETS VS COLTS- Pick- Pretty sketch move by Steve Rennazzieesssiiiisomethingorother for lying about surviving the 9/11 attacks. Kind of ruins The Leage AND Buffalo Wild Wings for me, which really sucks because I love both.  Here's the thing though, couldn't you totally see his character Kevin doing something like this in an episode of The League? Like, are we 100% sure this isnt some meta storyline for the show?  Let's hope so, otherwise....bad look bruh, baaaaaaaad look. Pick- COLTS

 

GAMEDAY FOOD CHOICE- chicken nuggets!  Now, alot of people think they are gross because they are made out of  some sort of goo that looks like Laffy Taffy, but not me. I honestly don't care what anything is made out of, if its deep fried, I'm probably going to like it.  I went to college in Minnesota and they deep fried everything at their State Fair. Pretty sure thats what Heaven is going to be like.  

YOU'RE THE REAL MVP- Not to brag, but I went to Target yesterday (2 days after payday btw) and managed to get in and out for less than $60  Hey me, I am the real MVP

Don't forget to play Pigskin Payday.  Its FREE and you can win cash. Good luck everyone!

Last week's picks- 12-4

Overall Record 12-4