Manley's Pro Football Picks Week 3

September 25, 2015
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You guys, last week was a disaster.  I only picked 5 games correctly. 5!!!  I feel like my dog, Mookie Blaylock could do better. How embarrassing for me.  Hey, speaking of embarrassing, I posted this picture on Facebook the other day for Throwback Thursday 

Boy did I think I was cool back in high school.  There's a lot to talk about here, here are a few of my favorites- 

1- The 90210 sideburns

2- Tossing the ball up in the air and acting like catching it without looking is going to be no problem at all.

3- The pant length- it says "a lot of players wear their pants low, while others like to show the full stirrup like the old timers.  But you can't put a label on me, man.  Im in the middle, because I'm ALTERNATIVE."  Might as well have just made the stirrups flannel. 

4- That pose!  So seductive! I'm surprised I didn't let down that top button down to reveal the 3 chest hairs i had back then.  

Point is, one minute you are the coolest guy in the world (wk 1 record- 12-4), and the next minute you are a middle aged bachelor with a handicapped dog and an empty fridge, save for some beer and condiments (wk 2 record 5-11). Life gets better, life gets worse, life just keeps moving.  You make your own weather, and have to roll with it. On to the picks...

 

REDSKINS VS GIANTS- Giants won!

FALCONS VS COWBOYS- For the last 2 years I've been in a fantasy football league with other radio talent from around the country, and its becoming clear that I am cursed. Last year I got the #1 pick (first time ever, in any league ever) and got Adrian Peterson.  Of course, after 2 weeks he was supsended for the season for being a terrible human.  This year, with my 1st round pick I took Dez Bryant.  Dez Bryant promptly breaks his foot after one game and will be out for half the season.  Brutal right? Well IT GETS WORSE.  I also have Tony Romo....he gone.  The reason I bring this up is that I have opened my first round pick selection up to the highest bidder.  For a small fee, I will happily destroy your least favorite player's/team's season by drafting them in the first round, thus assuring their complete demise.  I am the Madden Curse. Pick- FALCONS

COLTS VS TITANS- I came across an article and photo gallery of people who died and were left on Mt Everest. Its totally morbid and macabre, but absolutely fascinating for some reason.  The bodies are essentially frozen in time, and have to be left there because its apparently too dangerous to try to get them down.  Its said that most of them die in their sleep, which is all the creepier because the bodies are left looking mostly peaceful.  Some are even used as mile markers on the way up.  Crazy.  Nature is no joke.  Pick- TITANS

RAIDERS VS BROWNS- Is there anything worse than breaking in a new pair of jeans? I'm a total hipster so I wear skinny jeans, but I'm also a total fat kid so there are a few complications to fitting in said pants. they are nice and snug through the legs, but once we get to the hips, no bueno.  But the weird thing is once you get to the top, by the button, they fit fine.  Im sure there is a big booty joke to be made here.  Feel free. Pick- BROWNS

BENGALS VS RAVENS- The Ravens, Eagles, Colts, Saints, and Seahawks are all 0-2.  I think the Seahawks and Eagles will figure it out and get better, but the Colts and Saints seem totally broken. I have no idea about the Ravens though, are they really bad?  I can't decide, but this is a division game and they are at home, so logic says....Pick- RAVENS

JAGUARS VS PATRIOTS- I think we can all agree that Patriots fans are the worst.  Loud, cocky, arrogant, awful.  That said, I am really enjoying watching Tom Brady give Rogel Goddell a virtual middle finger by carving up defenses in the first two games this year.  Dude is pissed, and what he is doing on the football field is the equivalent to a professional wrestler rushing the ring and dropping chair shots to anyone in sight.  Pick- PATRIOTS

SAINTS VS PANTHERS- How much money does Draft Kings make daily?  Half way through last week's episode of The League (I watched, despite my concern over Kevin's 9/11 lie ruining it.) there was a Draft Kings ad written in to the script.  It was the worst. And yes, I know that I do the exact same thing for a living. Such hyprocacy!  Pick- PANTHERS

EAGLES VS JETS- The Pope visited the United States this week.  Highlights of his visit included him bailing on a dinner with politicians to help feed the homeless instead adn announcing that he is dropping an album soon. The best part though, was that he was rolling through American in a Fiat.  Not that there's anything wrong with a Fiat, but you would expect someone of such stature to be in a Benz, or at least something more armored.  It messed up my head.  I couldn't understand how I had a better car than one of the most powerful men in the world. Its too bad they didn't cart him all over in the Pope Mobile. That would've been incredible.  Imagine flying up I-5 and getting passed by a car going about 70mph (well lets be honest, people drive so slow on I-5, you only have to go the speed limit to dust most of them) with a little old man in a glass cage hanging off the back? I would totally snapchat that. The Pope seems really cool. Pick- EAGLES (they can't lose forever, right?)

BUCS VS TEXANS- My friend moved to Houston a few weeks ago and he has sent me a picture of some sort of bbq meat every day since.  I'm concerned for him....and by concerned I mean jealous. Pick- TEXANS

CHARGERS VS VIKINGS- There was quite a controversy up in the Twin Cities this week regarding the Vikings mascot/biker guy who somehow rode into the stadium one time and never left Ragnor. You see, Ragnor decided to hold out for more money this year, and he lost.  Now I would love nothing more than to berate the Vikings (maybe my most hated NFL team) for being some sort of ruthless capitalistic monster of an organization that took a big ole dookie on some poor guy who just loves his team and wants to show his support, but Ragnor feels that blowing into a horn after a first down and getting sideline access to every game is worth $20,000 per appearance. I'm all for getting your piece of the pie, but expecting to get paid $160,000 for 8 Sundays of work is absurd.  Know your role, bruh. There are tons of guys with beards willing to it for much less than that. Pick- CHARGERS brody!

BILLS VS DOLPHINS- I bet its hard to be a football player in Miami. Being super rich, always within walking distance of the beach, surrounded by beautiful people, cocaine EVERYWHERE. The dream!  There's no way I would spend one second more than required at the team facilities. Not when I could be marlin fishing on a boat with a super cool name like Seas The Day, surrounded by latin women double fisting margaritas.  Of course less practicing would mean I wouldn't get better, which would mean my play would suffer, which would mean my team would suffer, which would mean I wouldn't last in the NFL very long.  Dolphins fans should celebrate every victory as if it was the Super Bowl. Pick- DOLPHINS

BEARS VS SEAHAWKS- Everything is going according to plan, Seahawks fans.  Go back to my week 1 predictions and read what I said about Russell Wilson. After their loss against the Packers last week, Aaron Rodgers (currently playing football like he entered the cheat code before the season started) took a shot at Russ about his old comment about how God wanted the Seahawks to comeback against them last year.  Russell responded almost too politely (that's SO Russell) but I bet he went home and punched something in anger.  And let's hope so!  It's almost time Russell.......embrace your anger......join the dark side.....RIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!  I want this so bad, you guys. Pick- SEAHAWKS

BRONCOS VS LIONS-  Matt Stafford vs Peyton Manning.  I like the violence of football as much as the next red meat eating, blood thirsty American....but these two are already so banged up after only 2 games into the season that I would be ok with them playing 2 hand touch this game.  That would be awesome.  Pick- BRONCOS

CHIEFS VS PACKERS-  I can't recommend "Narcos" enough.  Its on Netflix and it is the jam.  Its basically the story of Colubian drug lord Pablo Escobar's rise and eventual fall and the DEA agents who stopped him.  Dramatic? You bet.  Violent? AND HOW!  Seriously, if you are a Bears or Jags fan, skip the game this week and binge the hell out of this show.  Its that good...although to be fair I thought the ending sucked.   It just ends with him walking away.  I repeat, a show about a drug lord who dies in a bloody shoot out with the Columbian Police ends with a fade to black?  Its essentiall Scarface, but in real life, and they skip it.  Disappointing, maybe they are making a 2nd season. Pick- PACKERS

 

GAMEDAY FOOD CHOICE- chicken and waffles!  I hit up the new Nate's Wings and Waffles on Capital Hill and was super impressed.  Salty, spicy chicken smothered in syrup on top of a sweet waffle? I want that in my mouth!  Plus seeing as how the east coast NFL games start at 10, its like getting breakfast AND lunch in at the same time. If you go to Nate's, make sure to go for the spicy tenders and a not so plain waffle.  

YOU'RE THE REAL MVP- Someone tell Ben Gibbard to make room on his mantle for one of the most prestigious awards one could ever get. Death Cab for Cutie is headlining DECK THE HALL BALL on December 8th!!!  DCFC will be there, along with Cage the Elephant, 21 Pilots, Walk the Moon, Alabama Shakes, Nathanial Rateliff and the Night Sweats, and X Ambassadors. Get your tickets HERE, and be sure to find me when you get there.  We can make fun of my tight ass jeans!

Don't forget to play PIGSKIN PAYDAY and win a bunch of money.  Its free to join, so you have nothing to lose (except your pride, if you are as bad at picking games as I am.) Good luck everyone!

Last week's picks- 5-11

Overall record- 17-15