Manley's Pro Football Picks Week 4

October 2, 2015
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Last week I had a chance to relive my formative teen years and check out one of my favorite bands EVER, Hum, at El Corazon.  They were incredible.  I felt 15 again, and considering I was wearing flannel and Dr. Martins I basically was!  I have a theory that you will never love a band as much as the band you fell in love with when you were 13 (or whatever age you were when you started discovering YOUR sound), and boy was that theory validated at the show.  Lucky for me that I hit that age right when grunge exploded, so the list of "my" bands holds up pretty well, even today.  Pearl Jam/Nirvana/AIC, along with Smashing Pumpkins, Local H, Toadies and Hum were my jams, to name a few.  Its kind of weird though, now that those bands are getting old, to see them on stage kind of just going through the motions.  Nothing makes you feel your mortality quite like seeing a band that was your symbol of youth in rebellion gradually turn into a band that kind of just stand there and plays and finishes by 10p so you can get still get a good night so you aren't worthless at work the next day. Getting old sucks. On to the picks...

 

RAVENS VS STEELERS- RAVENS WON!

JETS VS DOLPHINS- I think its funny that the NFL keeps scheduling games in London, England to generate excitement for American football, but never sends 2 good teams over.  Its kind of like telling a girl you are a phenominal cook and then making them a grilled cheese sandwich when they come over for dinner.  Sure, you might make the bomb GC, but no matter how good it is, bae isn't going to mistake you for Ethan Stowell. Pick- Jets

JAGUARS VS COLTS- General Andrew Luck's letters home from the war front are phenominal.  Seriously. Pick- Colts

GIANTS VS BILLS- Did you know that Bills head coach Rex Ryan has a foot fettish? Yeah, its true. Earlier this week one of my friends who does TV in Arizona posted a picture of herself at the anchor desk and within minutes someone commented asking for her to post a pic of her feet.  What a creep.  People on the internet are so gross sometimes. Pick- Bills

PANTHERS VS BUCCANEERS- As you know, I am a pumpkin spice enthusiast.  Earlier this week I stopped by my local Starbucks and was picked on BY THE BARISTAS for ordering a PSL! The audacity!  The backlash towards pumpkin spice has gone too far!  Of course, that means we are almost at the point where it goes full circle and PSL will be acceptable again. Until then, I remain basic af and will continue to enjoy any and all pumpkin products for the limited time I have access to them. I suggest you do the same, no sense in denying yourself a delicious treat. Pick- Panthers.

EAGLES VS REDSKINS- Remember 3 weeks ago when everyone said "damn, good pick" to whoever snagged Sam Bradford in the 8th round?  What a garbage fire that guy's season has been so far. That said, I full expect him to put up huge numbers in a very important divisional game.....I mean, he better.....because I'm said fantasy owner who snagged him in the 8th round to a chorus of "nice pick"s and have to start him this week because my other QB is on a bye.  Sam, if you only have 1 week of productivity, please let it be this one.  Pick- EAGLES

RAIDERS VS BEARS- A matchup in which the Raiders aren't the more disfunctional of the two teams?  When's the last time that happened? Actually, if we are being honest, probably last week when they played the Browns, AND YOU SAWY HOW THAT TURNED OUT.  Pick- Raiders. 

TEXANS VS FALCONS- I told you back in week 1 that the Falcons were my sleeper team.  So far I'm 3 for 3.  Julio Jones entered a cheat code before the season. He is insane. Pick- Falcons

CHIEFS VS BENGALS- Is it just me, or was there an alarmingly high number of people who knew karate back in 80's?  That was a total thing back then. Nowadays its all about guns and mma chokeholds, but in 1986 all you needed was a gi and a solid roundhouse kick. I'd totally get in to fights all the time if I knew karate. Pick- Bengals

BROWNS VS CHARGERS- I don't usually get to work before 10 am so I don't know if this is a standard thing that I'm just never around to see, but I got to work early today and discovered that my office building has a door man.  He even called me "sir" as he held the door for me. I felt like such a Gatsby!  I might even wear a top hat to work on Monday. I wonder if this guy would be cool with me calling him Jeeves? Pick- Chargers

PACKERS VS 49ERS- I'm an irrational sports fan, in that if a match up is to obvious I'll convince myself its a trap.  For example, The 49ers are probably the worst team in football not named The Bears, while the Packers have looked like a team that will be playing deep into the playoffs. On paper the Packers should beat SF by a whopping OH MY GOD THIS IS A TOTAL TRAP GAME AND KAEPERNICK OWNS GREEN BAY SO THE RECORDS AND STATS DONT MATTER GREEN BAY IS TOTALLY LOSING IM NOT EVEN GOING TO WATCH!! Pick- Packers

RAMS VS CARDINALS- It was a pretty good week for space.  First we got to experience the blood moon, which was cool.  Then scientists discovered that there was water on Mars!  Of course that means its only a matter of time before we colonize the red planet, which is cool. I bet Space Olive Garden is going to be incredible!  If I moved to Mars I would totally have a child while I was up there just so I could say that I'm the father of a Martian. Pick- Cardinals

VIKINGS VS BRONCOS- Integrating advertisements in to content is a really big thing these days.  Trust me, its a HUGE part of my job and the satisfaction I get when someone texts me saying that I duped them into listening to a commercial because they thought I was just telling a story is off the charts.  I bring this up because I was watching the latest Papa John's commercial and I got to thinking, how much longer before they let Papa John on the sideline to coach a game?  2-3 years max?  Its actually incredible that Manning hasn't changed his "Omaha!" pre-snap call to pepperoni yet.  Pick- Broncos

COWBOYS VS SAINTS- Pick- Saints (because they have to win at some point right?)

LIONS VS SEAHAWKS-  There was an incredible list on Reddit earlier this week discussing weird things guys do that we (guys) dont realize, according to women. Lets look at the top 8

1.  Going months without washing or changing their sheets. 

2.  Slapping their pockets to make sure their phone and wallet are in there.

3.  Spending a really long time in the bathroom on the toilet.

4.  Turning down the radio when they get lost . . . like somehow THAT’s the reason.

5.  Keeping large amounts of change scattered around their room.

6.  Putting their hand down their pants when they watch TV.

7.  Lowering their voice when they talk on the phone, especially to another guy.

8.  Denying they fell asleep when they’re randomly caught napping.

  Guilty. Guilty. SUPER GUILTY! Guilty. Guilty. Not guilty. Not sure. Guilty. The slap your pockets one kills me, because it is so incredibly true and I never even thought of it until reading it.  While you watch the Seahawks dismantle the Lions (I seriously fear for Matt Stafford's life) this Monday night, see if you can think of any more.  Pick- Seahawks

 

GAMEDAY FOOD CHOICE-  I recently split my pants, and its destroyed my self esteem worse than my inseam.  Therefore, I suggest salad as this week's gameday meal.  Thats right, F'ing lettuce, because the only thing worse than burning the roof of your mouth on a slice of pizza is burning the roof of your mouth on a slice of pizza while shredding your pants. Shut it down fatty. 

YOU'RE THE REAL MVP- Chris Mintz. 

 

 

Hey don't forget to play Pigskin Payday!  Its FREE and you can win all the money.  Good luck everyone!

Last Week's Picks- 12-4

Overall Record- 29-19